Before it is too late

by Costanza

When I first met D he seemed the most amazing man on Earth. Cuddly, sweet, open to talk about anything, a real gentleman, almost a dream come true... until the day we finally moved in together. He literally changed overnight. I left him once, only to believe his lies when he called me begging for me to get back to him, that he would change, that he needed me, that I couldn't just turn my back on him like everybody else did. And that's where I went wrong. I did want to make a difference.

I really thought I could have healed his wounds. But who was going to heal mine? The ones he caused me overtime? Ladies, we need to stop thinking we have the power to change others. Abusers don't just become better people because we want them to. It took them a lifetime to become who they are, it won't be us to turn the wolf into a sheep. No way.

So as soon as you notice early signs such as oppressive jealousy (also towards friends and family), possessiveness, a sudden change in behavior... Run. Run and never look back.

When I went back to him after believing his lies, he treated me well on the first day, but the day after we were back to square one. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive to the point where I thought maybe I was just imagining things. No matter what I did, I was never good enough for him. Everything was my fault.

We would argue and he'd leave home after punching walls, breaking plates, kicking doors. One day he just got back home and told me words I will never forget: "One of these days I won't leave. One of these days I'll stay, and that'll be the day you finally learn the lesson". I used to go to college about 2 hours away from where he lived, and that's where I got myself an apartment with other students and finally moved out.

Now I was strong enough to do that, but I'm sure if I had allowed him to bring abuse to the next level I was not gonna make it out that easy. Hell, maybe I wouldn't have made it out at all. I guess I was just lucky.

The best thing to do is to recognize those little red flags and get out before we're in too deep. But even when things get worse, remember it's never too late to get out. Love yourself.