I am a survivor and my daughter is as well

by

Six years ago I literally had the veil of illusion ripped from my eyes. Although deep in my heart I knew what I was living with. I realized the man I was married to for 16 years was an emotional and a psychological abuser. I needed to do something but what.

I asked for safe harbor from my only brother who could not take us in. I could not go to my parents they lived in a different state and I was too scared to leave the state. I will say this much, I cried like a baby when I realized what I had allowed to happen to me and my child. The marriage had been over for years I had planned on leaving when our daughter turned 18.

The father of my child and I worked at the same place, any shelter only provided temporary protection I had to go work every day. I admit now there were other options but I was too muddled to think about them. For me I felt trapped and I did not want to be without my daughter as I realized she was his victim as well.

He was hospitalized at our place of employment and it was struggle as the patients loved him and many did not know my secret, I kept up the illusion of a happy married couple. What else could I do? I was accused of being selfish and disturbed, the patients yelled at me. He was discharged to home without me being told.

I had agreed to counseling but only to keep the peace. When he came home he was so drugged up I did not know him but he was meaner in spirit, he refused to eat at our table or anything I cooked. He had told a mutual friend he was going to "take care of things" and that "he had fooled them all". In terror she called the ward but he was already discharged. She could not call me as she did not want to risk him answering the home phone.

He was finally readmitted and was not allowed to come home except to pick up his things. Prior to his second admission I had the local police sweep our home for weapons. They collected three shot guns, two bb guns, two swords, a machete, a knife collection and a cross bow. This last item was actually loaded and aimed at the level of my forehead in the room he had been allowed to stay in because he was not sleeping with me.

After his first discharge he refused to move out, the second time the hospital forced him to move out. He continued to abuse our daughter until her recent 20th birthday when she finally told him no more. She made it clear he would no longer hurt her and if he wanted to talk to her it had to be positive.

We are both in counseling, I divorced my abuser and married a wonderful man who loves both of us. We are safe, so many are not, please if you know someone who may be like us. Stay with them, let them know you care, and most important never stay too far away.