I lost my children because I was a victim

by Debbie
(Buffalo,ny)

I have been free from my abuser for about five years.I stayed with him for twenty years of HELL. Beatings were a daily routine along with disgusting tirades of verbal abuse. I hadn't looked anyone in the eye for such a long time...it seemed impossible even if I wanted to ! I was tormented into believing that I was unworthy of love or acceptance.Three beautiful children came from this relationship and I worked my ass off to provide very well for them...and of course ...him.He started to beat me and choke me when I was 9 months pregnant with my last child and almost killed me.I could feel the baby flopping uncontrollably while he knealt on my back as he strangled me.I reached back in an effort to save my baby's life and scratched his neck.In turn ,he called 911 and said I assaulted him and he wanted me locked up.This monster recorded everything in the house with voice activated recorders and I told the police to please listen to the one in the kitchen where this attack occured.When they did the truth came out...they heard me begging for my childs life...and the choking. He was arrested and my baby was born that night.I recieved an order of protection and thought my nightmare was over...I was wrong ! A child protection worker came to my house with the police and took my 3 children when my baby was 3 months old . I fought for my children for four years,spent $150,000.00 in attorney fees ,never missed one parenting class,paid $280..00 a week child support,paid their medical bills ,bought their clothing,worked full time and then some...only got to see them for 1 hour a week...supervised at Catholic Charities...My crime ? I was a victim that allowed myself to be beaten in front of her children.How could I protect my children if I couldn't protect myself ?